When Oreos Get Involved
by briiittx xhc
Summary: What happens when you mix bella, the cullens, and oreos? First ever fanfict! Please read and review!
1. The Bet

_**Hey everyone! This is my first official story. I was so nervous about actually posting it, but my friends **__**TwiLigHtDancEr93 and TwilightSagaLover543 told me I should post it! But I hope you enjoy my first ever story! **_

_Disclaimer: I do NOT own Stephenie Meyer's awesome character, but I do own the ideas to make them do stupid things. And I do not own the magical things called Oreos. If I did, I wouldn't even be sitting here typing this._

_Flashback to earlier today:_

_My phone is ringing. Who could it be? Edward said he won't be over until tonight._

"_Hello?" I said while running to the kitchen picking up the phone, of course tripping a few times._

"_Bella." came a musical sounding voice._

"_Edward?" I said because that's who I thought it sounded like_

"_Of course silly, who else would it be?" he said sarcastically._

"_Well I don't know, maybe Jacob calling me to make sure I'm still coming over." I said with a smirk but saying it seriously._

"_WHAT?!" a hint of panic and angry obvious in his voice._

"_Edward, hold your horses, I was just kidding. And you said I couldn't act."_

"_Bella, don't ever do that to me. You know I don't want you anywhere near that mutt."_

"_Yes Edward I know." Now I was the one who was annoyed and angry._

"_What did you want Edward or did you call to diss one of my best friends?"_

"_Bella, you know my views on your, umm… best friend." weariness in his voice._

"_Anyways Bella, as I was going to say, I would love to have you come over right now. Is that alright with you?" _

"_Yes, Edward. I thought I wasn't going to see you until tonight. I thought I was going to die of boredom(no pun). I'll be over in a few minutes. But I have to go to the store first to get a few things. See you in a few?"_

"_Ok my love. I can't wait to see you!"_

"_Bye Edward."_

"_Bye my dear Bella."_

_I sighed as I got off the phone with him. There is nothing that boy can do to make me not want to be with him. He did sound a little bit excited though. Hmm I wonder why. Well I better get to the store ._

_End of flashback._

So here I was now sitting in my truck on the way to the store to get a few things for myself for later tonight. I pull my truck up to the Thriftway and hop out of the cab.I made my way in the store. And it was then that I saw them.

Double stuffed Oreos! My absolute favorite!

I grabbed about 10 packages of them because, let me tell you, I can go through a pack in about a day when I have any. I made my way to the cashier. And of course she is looking at me like I'm a psycho. She tells me the total, I give her the money and receive my change, and head back out to my truck to continue my journey to the Cullen mansion.

I love going over there. I feel like I am already a part of their family.

So now I'm pulling up in the driveway in front of the house.

As soon as the truck shuts off, my door is throw open and almost off the hinges.

"Jeez Alice, you know this truck could be as old as you. I would appreciate it if you would be more careful. I love this truck almost as much as I love Edward."

"Yeah yeah Bella, we know. But come on you got to get inside!" She was literally bouncing up and down from all the excitement. I take it she had a vision of something that was bound to happen and with me involved in some way.

"Fine Alice, take me away." I said while holding my arms out straight like I was a convict getting arrested.

She then proceeded to pick me up, throw me over her shoulder and race into the house.

All I remember seeing was a bunch of blur and then a white couch.

She had thrown me face first onto the couch in which was currently being occupied by someone else.

The couch for some reason was shaking and I couldn't understand who was there and why it was shaking.

It wasn't until I looked up and saw Emmett, did it finally dawn on my why the couch was shaking.

He was laughing his ass off at me because Alice had thrown me face first on the couch, and now he was laughing even more because I had turned a very, very bright red.

"Nice to see you too Emmett." I said sarcastically. He then beamed me a smile and pulled me into one of his bear hugs.

"Emm….ett….can't….bre…athe!" I said while being stuck in his embrace.

"Oh yeah, I forgot your still fragile. But your face sure is a very nice red." he said through his laughs.

"Emmett can you, for once, not make fun of Bella."

Yes my savior!

Edward had walked in the room to see what was going on and as soon as he saw me, he smiled and ran over to me.

The next thing I knew, I was sitting on his lap with his face a mere few inches from mine.

"Hi." I whispered.

"Hello." he whispered back blowing his sweet fragrance in my face.

He moved even closer, and as soon as his lips were about to touch mine, Emmett had to open his big fat mouth and ruin the moment.

"Ewwww. Grosss. Get a room you two. Then maybe little Eddie here won't be so repressed anymore. God only knows that he'll blow one day from being a repressed and what not." His statement then proceeded with a loud whack, from Rosalie, across the back of his head.

"Jeez Rose, what was that for?"

"Emmett, that was for being a idiot." She said with a smirk.

I sent her a look of thanks and she proceeded with a 'your welcome' look.

"Your all just jealous because I am just a sexy stud muffin."

I had to cover up my laugh with a cough and then Edward proceeded to look at me to see if I was ok.

I just mouth the words: _stud muffin._

He then started to snicker when he realized it was Emmett who had indeed said that.

"Rose, tell your stud muffin that he is all yours." I said smirking and laughing the whole time.

"Is little Eddiekins not a sexy enough stud muffin for you Bella?"

"Of course he is Emmett, but that is something for me to know and you to never find out." I whispered being all secretive.

Everyone in the room just laughed at that comment and of course I turned a very bright red.

Just then a commercial came on. There was a old lady and her granddaughter in a diner, where what was in front of the girl, double stuff Oreos.

I then remembered what I had gotten and then I told everyone I would be right back.

They said ok and they continued to watch the commercial in interest.

I, of course, have already seen this commercial, so I continued my way out of the truck to bring in my ten packs of Oreos because I had gotten a sudden craving for them as soon as I had seen the commercial start.

I grabbed them and ran back in, but this time Carlisle and Esme were sitting in there watching the commercial too.

Everybody looked possessed as they watched.

"Hey guys I'm-" I was abruptly cut off when everybody shushed me. They wanted to know who would win the race.

I sat back on Edward's lap, and I had opened a pack of my Oreos.

I didn't realize how loud I actually was until I was through my tenth Oreo and I looked up to see everybody staring at me.

"Whag?" I spluttered out through my mouth full of Oreo.

"What was that Bella?" Emmett said looking at me like I was crazy.

I swallowed and then said, "I said what. Why is everyone staring at me?"

"Well Bella," this time it was Carlisle, "we were wondering why on Earth do you have them and why are eating them that fast?"

"But this is how I normally eat them."

Great they all thought I was crazy. Edward then walked up to me and bent down to whisper, "Bella, you are scaring us at how fast you are eating those. That is the tenth one within about twenty seconds."

Oh so that's what this was about.

"But I normally eat them that fast, you just have never been around me while I eat them. I kind of have a addiction to Oreos."

"Hey Jasper."

"Yes, Emmett."

"How would you like to make a bet with me? Loser get's to do one dare the other person chooses and they can't back down from it."

"Ok." Jasper was grinning like a mad person when he said this.

"Ok so you know how we were just watching that commercial with the old lady and the little kid racing to see who could finish the Oreo first?"

"Yes. Please continue."

"Well I bet you I could beat you in finishing five Oreos first by licking them all and not spitting them back up. What do you say brother?" Emmett was smirking now, he clearly thought he could beat Jasper.

"Fine. I can't wait to see you do what I have planned for you when you lose."

"Ha! You wish Jasper. Let's go. But first we need another pack of Oreos cause by the looks of it I don't think Bella has enough left to let us use."

Everyone then decided to see how many I had left and by the time they did I had only two left in the pack. I turned a nice cherry red color.

"What?" I asked them.

"Bella, you just basically ate that whole pack in the time it took to make that bet which was only about five minutes." This came from Rosalie.

"Yeah, so, what's your point?" I really didn't understand what the whole problem was.

"I have never, ever seen somebody eat that much food in that little time." Rose said with a look of….disgust?

"Oh well. I love my Oreos!" Of course by now I had opened a new pack, which no one knew where it came from.

"Ok…so now we need another pack of Oreos." Alice wanted to be in charge of everything.

"Um…you guys can use one of my packs if you want. But I swear to god, if you decide to do anything to the extras, so hope you run like hell because I love my Oreos and I don't wanted any wasted." I said it with such a serious face that no one even questioned me.

"Bella, how many extra packs do you have?" Edward asked.

"About ten." I mumbled extremely quiet hoping that none of them heard that.

"What was that?" he said.

"I said ten. Shesh. It's like you all think that I'm completely crazy for having that many packs."

God they really could be so oblivious to the obvious sometimes.

None of them said anything but the looks on their faces all said 'why the hell would someone have that many packs of those?'

"Ok so anyways, on with the bet." Alice was bouncing up and down while saying this.

We all proceeded into the kitchen where both Jasper and Emmett took their seats at the island. One on each side. I then took five Oreos for each of them and then set them down in front of each of them.

"Ok, we need to cover the rules first." This of course being said by Esme.

"Number one, I want a clean contest. That means no touching each other or distracting each other while doing this. That goes for everyone else in this room. Number two, if anyone and I mean anyone decides that they get bored in any way, shape or form and decides to start throwing the Oreos in MY kitchen, so help God, I will make who ever did it, serve a punishment."

With this being said, everyone looked at each other with wide eyes. I was completely confused as to why they looked this way. I mean it was obvious that you never, and I mean never mess up Esme's kitchen.

"Umm guys," they all turned to look at me with their big eyes, "what is this punishment if it has all you looking like that?" I was asking no one in particular.

"Well you see Bella, a while back when we were at our last house, everyone thought it would extremely funny to play paintball in my kitchen. Let's just say that they never will look at a paintball gun the same way again."

I started to giggle. Vampires afraid of paintball guns and Esme? Now they must have done something extremely bad.

"Bella, sweetie," Esme said while looking at everyone else, " have Edward explain it to you later. Right now I believe we have a contest to watch." She then winked at me and moved her eyes to behind her. There in her hand was a video camera.

This was going to be good.

**Ya I'm kinda evil for leaving it there, but I'm still not sure how I'm going to continue it. If anyone has any ideas as to what the dares should be or has any other ideas of how I should continue please message me! Now go to the left corner below this and click the little box that says go and leave me a review! It will make for a happy author and that could lead to a faster update!**


	2. Racing to the Finish

**OMG! Thank you to everyone who checked out my first chapter! I can't believe I got 6 reviews already! I know that's not much, but to someone who has never done this before, it's so exciting! Since I got so many reviews for my first chapter, I decided that I should write a new update! And I want to thank all of my reviewers: TwilightSagaLover543, TwiLigHtDancEr93, Angelius Cullen, Horsewhisperer990, SugarAndRainbows, and Hazl! Your guy's reviews were awesome! And thank you to all of you who added me on alert, and favorited my story! It meant so much to me. And I want to thank Horsewhisperer990 for the idea of making Jasper sending waves of naseua to Emmett and making him throw up! It was a awesome idea! And now I present you with my new chapter!**

_Disclaimer: I still don't own any of SM awesome characters, just the stupid ideas that are in my head that I write down for your entertainment._

As Esme was turning on the camera, Emmett and Jasper were looking at each other weird, kind of like they were sizing each other up. But every few seconds their eyes would flicker down to their 'food' and their noses would wrinkle up in disgust.

Of course Emmett, being the macho man that he was, just thought that this was just another challenge that he would win and that no one else would win, no way, no how.

As I was sitting here watching my two future brothers, I remembered how Esme had said about no cheating. I then burst out laughing.

Everyone looked at me once again, like when they thought I was crazy earlier, and Edward asked what I was laughing about.

"Nothing." I told him.

He just shook his head and went back to look at the two numb nuts he calls his brothers.

I was still snickering every few seconds. I mean come on, Emmett or Jasper playing fair? Now where is the fun in that be? Especially Emmett playing fair! That's like him saying he didn't leave a huge hole in the wall while standing in front of a Emmett shaped hole. It's just not possible to believe that.

As I was still snickering, I happened to look at everyone else. They all knew this was going to be extremely entertaining for all of us to watch and they all knew neither would play fair.

Alice was literally bouncing around with the biggest smile on her face. I had momentarily forgotten that she could see the future, in which she would see who would win this little contest.

All of a sudden I could feel excitement, disgust and the intensity in the air. I could tell this was Jasper's doing because I could see all of these emotions playing across his face.

Everyone was also chatting excitedly when Esme interrupted with one final rule.

"Boys, I seem to have forgotten a rule," Edward and Alice bursting out laughing once more, what with Edward being able to read Esme's mind and Alice's, who can see the future, "you have to go at human speed."

"WHAT?!" they both shouted while everyone else in the kitchen burst out laughing!

"Yes boys, I said I wanted a fair fight and with you both going at human speed, I will be able to tell who cheats." she said very sternly and motherly

"Fine, your no fun you party pooper. " Emmett muttered quietly.

"What was that Emmett?" Esme said.

"I said nothing mommy, I said would play fair. I love you!" and as he said this he made himself look like a cute little kid who knew he had been caught but was trying his hardest to not get yelled at. At this, Edward rolled his eyes.

"Stupid idiotic buffoon." I giggled as Edward muttered in my ear.

As soon as Emmett heard that, he shot daggers at Edward, leading us to only laugh harder.

"Anyways," Esme continued like nothing had happened, "are you boy ready to start?"

"HELL YA!" Emmett screamed and Jasper just rolled his eyes and said 'yes'.

"Well then," she started, "on you marks, get set," both boys were now had their game faces on and were in complete competition mode, "GO!" and both boys picked up their Oreo's real quick, or as humanly as possible and began to lick.

As soon as their tongues touched the filling, their faces turned into one of revolt, like they thought that this was the stupidest idea ever, and started to spit and try and scratch the flavor off their tongue.

I was laughing so hard and my face was turning a deep red because it looked like they had eaten one of the most foul things ever. Kind of like they were eating garbage or dirt.

Everyone else in the kitchen was laughing hard too. If they could have, they would have died from lack of oxygen.

Esme was standing in-between the two boys trying to keep a straight face, but failing miserable. She would let out a little chuckle every now and then.

But that all of a sudden changed, when her face was livid, making me want to go find a hole and bury myself in it, and then never come out again.

"EMMETT," she screeched, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THROWING THINGS IN MY HOUSE?!"

"Um not to," he replied quickly in-between twisting the top off his second Oreo.

It had taken them both about 5 minutes just to fully complete one Oreo. But Emmett, being how he is, decided to take the top and bottom part ,that they didn't have to eat, of the Oreo and proceeded to throw it at Jasper, trying to distract him.

"Emmett, since you don't know how to follow my rules, you can't not have a Oreo for one minute." she continued.

"But Esme, that isn't fair." he whined.

"Yes it is Emmett, you don't follow my rules, you suffer the consequences."

"Oh man, this sucks." she said sounding just like a two year old.

Alice was in a new round of hysterics along with Edward.

"Edward what did Alice see." I asked.

He just shook his head, mouthed 'you'll see in 3 seconds' , and held up three fingers letting each one drop for every second that passed.

When his last finger was down, something happened that I didn't even expect.

AN: MUAHAHA! I almost stopped there, but no I'm too nice to not stop.

Emmett all of a sudden turned green, which I didn't even know was possible for vampires, turned his head and threw up on the floor with bits of Oreo's which came flying out. The sight was enough to make me gag.

Everyone started to laugh, I thought it was because of what happened to Emmett, but when I looked up at everyone, they were all staring at me and laughing.

"Why is everyone staring at me?" I asked still revolted.

"Bel-la," Alice said between breaths of laughter, "you should have seen your face! Oh wait you can, I took a picture of it!"

She then brought the camera that was in her hand that I hadn't even noticed, and then showed me. I burst out laughing. My face was so funny looking. It looks like someone had shoved a month old dirty, sweaty gym sock under my nose. My face was all crinkled up in complete disgust with a tint of green.

"Hardy, har har." I said sarcastically, "Hey I can't help it, I've always had a weak stomach when it comes to other people puking."

Everyone continued to laugh at me.

Then Esme face was livid once again.

"JASPER, I TOLD YOU NO CHEATING! I KNOW YOU SENT HIM A WAVE A NASEUA, SO DON'T YOU TRY AND TELL ME YOU DIDN'T DO IT! AND LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO POOR BELLA. I SWEAR YOU TWO WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME." she screeched once again.

Jasper then turned to me looking apologetic and said, "Sorry Bella, I didn't realize that that would have that type of a effect on you."

"It's ok Jasper, it was pretty funny." I smiled back at him.

"Now Jasper, since you too can not follow my rules, you will have to sit out for a minute." and by then Emmett's time had just run out.

So now things were back even between the two.

We sat there watching Emmett trying to lick as fast as he could to try and catch up to Jasper who was still a little ahead, even with him sitting out for a minute.

As soon as the minute was up, Jasper and Emmett were on their last two Oreos.

The family had started to root for someone different.

While Alice was rooting for Jasper to win, Rose of course was rooting for Emmett to win. Carlisle had then sided with Emmett in winning and Edward had chosen Jasper. Esme had decided that she wasn't going to choose a side, and me, I was secretly rooting for Jasper to win. It seemed like he wanted it more. Yet I thought it would be better to keep who I wanted to win, a secret.

Both of their faces were still scrunched up in disgust, yet they were still licking away. I would bet anything that these two boys were going to get quite acquainted with the porcelain goddess upstairs in the bathroom. Just the thought of that made me giggle quietly to myself and this time Edward didn't ask why I was laughing because he already thought it was because of Jasper and Emmett, technically it was, but for a different reason.

Both boys had just finished their fourth Oreo and were just moving on to take the tops off of their last one. But as they went to take the tops off in their hurry, they both smooshed their Oreos and then both needed new ones.

Of course they both looked at me, knowing that I would have extras, and were right my side in a instant.

"Do you guys know what I said if you wasted and of MY OREOS." I said really quiet at first and the was screaming.

They both shrunk away seeing my death glare that, if it could, would have burned a hole through their heads.

"Yes Bella," Emmett said rather quietly, "but we only need one more each, and if you give it to me then I will not bother Eddie boy here about being sexually repressed."

"Yes, same goes for me Bella." Jasper put in very suddenly.

"Hmm Edward, what do you think?" I turned to him and asked.

"I think that might be ok with me, but I'm more worried about what will happen next time they ask you for more Oreos." my beloved said to me.

"Ok guys, but if you destroy any more, you will be sorry." Wow did I sound evil just then. All I needed was the dark cloud and thunder and lightening to make the picture complete! I must be going semi crazy. Oh well, back on to the race of doom!

Both of them had just returned to their seats and had unscrewed the top to the Oreos. They then licked away furiously, not even caring about the taste anymore. I could tell they both wanted to win.

Now it was down to the last few licks for the both of them and it was getting very close. It was almost as if I could see the excitement and anxiety coming off of everyone.

All of a sudden I realized that they were both going for that last lick, everyone shouting 'GO JASPER!' or 'GO EMMETT!', and I realized I had shouted 'GO JASPER!'.

And then…. It was over.

It looked like a tie from what I could see. But since everyone else is a vampire, and the speed they were going was extremely slow, they were able to tell the winner. But for my benefit and to make it more official, Esme was going to announce the winner.

Esme then gave the camcorder to Alice so she could tape the 'ceremony', cause it's not everyday you see vampires having a Oreo licking contest.

"Boys, will you come stand next to me please so I can announce the winner?" she asked.

They both then stood up and walked over to her. Jasper on her left and Emmett on her right.

"Ladies and gentlemen," she said sounding like a WWE announcer, "Our winner of the 2008, first ever Oreo licking contest is……."

**HAHA! I love leaving these cliffies! It means that you want more and which mean you will have to stick around for more! Please go and review this chapter! It would mean the world to me! And I want to thank my girls: TwilightSagaLover543 and TwiLigHtDancEr93 for their support and the awesome convos that I have on aim with them! And with out you two, I would even have posted this up!**


	3. AN: Sorry Everyone!

**Hello my awesome readers and reviewers! I know you all hate author notes and so do I. I felt really bad that I haven't update in the past couple days. I was going to write two shorter chapters, but instead my friends wanted me to write one long one. So I am currently working on that.**

**You guys are so amazing! And I can't believe how many of you love my story. I would have never thought I would have gotten that type of response. I thought before, after I had first written it, that it was dumb and that no one would like it. But I'm so wrong! **

**Please bare with me while I try to write out the next chapter. I know you all are going to love it!**

**And I want to thank my friends Jazzy and Em! Without them, my story would still be stuck on my computer and not on here!**

**I will try to get it up probably no later than Friday. I'm very busy this week. And if anyone has anymore ideas for what else I should write for this story, let me know! I know someone wants me to write about the paintball seen. So that will probably be a extra scene at the end which is going to be co-written.**

**Ok thanks so much guys! And here is a little sneak preview of the next chapter to keep you all still wanting more!!**

"_Jasper," Alice said getting his attention, "you and Emmett both have a meeting with the porcelain goddess in exactly about 30 seconds. I suggest you leave now, or you'll never make it."_


	4. What's Under the Trench Coat?

**WOW! You guys are awesome! 32 reviews for only 2 chapters and a AN! You don't know how happy I truly am! I'm sorry it took so long. I was having some trouble writing it! But I'm glad I got it done! And now, the chapter you all have been waiting for!**

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, except the old people. I also do not own the song 'I'm Too Sexy' by Right Said Fred and the outfit used for this dare. The only thing I own, are the amazing ideas for my chapters and this piece of gum I currently have._

_Recap from previous chapter: "Ladies and gentlemen," she said sounding like a WWE announcer, "Our winner of the 2008, first ever Oreo licking contest is……."_

"Mr. Jasper Hale!" Esme finished as we all cheered for the winner!

"WHAT?! You cheater, I WON!" Emmett screeched making me cover my ears because of how high pitched his screech was.

"No Emmett, Jasper won fair and square. Your just a sore loser." Edward said to him, smirking.

"AM NOT!" Emmett retorted back.

"ARE TOO!"

"AM NOT!"

"AM NOT"

"ARE TOO!"

"Ha ha! You just said you are!" Edward giggled. Wait did Edward just giggle?!

"Edward honey, did you just giggle?" I asked, questioning his sanity.

"Um, no. I, I just had a itchy throat, yeah that right a itchy throat, that's all." He stuttered really fast.

"Ok, whatever you say." I said still a little unsure.

"Now, if you two boy have grown up, I believe someone has a dare to give out." Rose said.

"Oh yeah!" Jasper said excitedly, while rubbing his hands together. And was that a evil glint in his eye?

All of a sudden we heard a strange gurgle and a low moan.

We turned to look at the two dumb dumbs, and we noticed that they both had a odd tint of green in their facial features.

"Jasper," Alice said getting his attention, "you and Emmett both have a meeting with the porcelain goddess in exactly about 30 seconds. I suggest you leave now, or you'll never make it."

Both of them all of a sudden disappeared, bolting upstairs to the bathroom.

All of burst out laughing.

"Oh," Alice yelled up to Jasper and Emmett, "Don't forget you can only use Edward's bathroom"

I was standing next to Edward trying to figure out why they had to share the bathroom. I mean that said right there, promised for a good laugh.

"But Alice, isn't there more than one toilet in this house?" I asked a little confuzzled.

"Oh yeah there is but someone decided to put cherry bombs down the other toilets in the house, so now the only one that works is the one for Edward's room, so I guess they will have to share." She said laughing and then rolled her eyes.

"The puking will begin in three, two, one, now!" As soon as Alice had said this, we all became quiet, and all you could hear was the most horrible retching noise I had ever heard. Just the sound of who ever was puking, made want to puke too. It was extremely revolting.

Edward and Alice once again burst out in laughter. Seeing as they had been doing this a lot today, I figured I better ask what happened.

"Edward," I said poking him, trying to get his attention, "what happened?"

"Oh, it's just Jasper and Emmett, they are going to start pushing each other to try and be able to use their 'porcelain goddess'. Would you care to accompany me to watch the show?" He asked while chuckling.

"Oh I wouldn't want to miss it for the world. Is the camera still rolling?" I asked to the room at large.

"Yeah, I still have it on." Alice told me while still giggling occasionally.

"Ok, lead the way Edward, and hurry, I don't want to miss anything!" I told him while he let me climb onto his back.

"Ok hold on." He said.

I then clutched him around the throat so hard, that if he wasn't vampire, he would have suffocated.

We quickly arrived right outside of his bathroom in less than a second.

The door was wide open, so we all gathered around.

The sight of two grown vampires pushing each other out of the way, to use the toilet, was highly amusing to us all.

I had no clue how Alice kept her hand so steady because I had never seen her laugh so hard. I, mean while, was clutching my side and holding onto Edward for support, because I was laughing so hard, while he held onto the door frame for support because of how hard he, too, was laughing.

Every time one of the two had to empty out their stomach, they would push the other one out of the way. But what was even better was when they both had to puke at the same time, and then they pushed each other out of the way. It ended up with Jasper having to lean over the bathtub and puke in there because Emmett had dominated the toilet.

After a few minutes, the retching noise finally ceased and both boys looked considerably better.

"Now Emmett," Jasper stated, "I think it is time for me to give out you amazing dare because you lost the bet."

"Ugh. I still think you cheated Jasper. Are you sure he really won? I think you all are just playing favorites. I think your all still jealous that I'm still the only sexy stud muffin in this household!" Emmett yelled.

"Oh yes, and every time I look at you, your sexiness blinds us all." I replied with heavy sarcasm.

"See I knew someone was jealous of it!" He clapped happily.

Edward, along with everyone else, just rolled his eyes at Emmett. Sure leave it to Emmett to think they we were all jealous of his so called 'sexiness'.

"Well come on you big baboon, we need to go down to the living room to get this dare settled." Rosalie, of all people, said.

"Ok! Wait hey I'm not a baboon! I thought you loved me Rosy?" he whined to her like he was two years old, which honestly, some days I don't wonder if he is.

"Well, you are when you act like this, now shut up and let's go downstairs or no sex for a month!" She replied back.

"WHAT?! Fine fine, I'm going." he grumbled while finally making his way out of the bathroom.

Well all just stood their laughing at his behavior.

"Whipped!" Jasper said.

"Shut it Jazzy boo!" Emmett shot back.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU…." he shot back, but Esme interrupted before he could finish.

"Boys, stop this right now or I'm grounding you both for a month from sex." She said before Jasper had finished his sentence.

"NO!" They both screeched while, meanwhile, we were all laughing at how idiotic they really are.

We had just arrived in the living room. Edward had pulled me over to the recliner and then pulled me onto his lap. Alice had gone to sit next to Esme, on the long couch, where she was sitting right next to Carlisle, who had his arm around her. Emmett and Rose had taken the loveseat and were acting all lovey dovey. It made us all want to puke.

"Emmett, cut that out! I'm here to give you your dare." Jasper was standing up, in front of the tv, which was before us, by the window.

"Your dare is…." Jasper started and then paused making the scene dramatic.

**AN: I was going to be evil and stop it there, but I love you guys too much. So onward with the story!!**

Edward and Alice were still laughing because they both obviously knew what it was going to be.

"You have to go to a retirement home and strip to the song 'I'm Too Sexy', while wearing this." he continued.

He then threw a paper bag at Emmett that said 'Frank's Sexy Attire' on the bag.

Emmett then opened the bag and screamed, "I AM NOT WEARING THAT! THAT IS THE MOST REVOLTING THING THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN!!"

"You have to wear it Emmett, or I'll find something even worse for you to wear, and just think, you can wear it for Rose afterwards." Jasper responded wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Well when you put it that way, ok I guess so and I am EMMETT CULLEN, SUPER VAMPIRE EXTRODINAR!! And I never, and I mean NEVER, back down from a dare!" He yelled out loud.

"So Emmett, you going to show us what you have to wear?" I asked curious to see what had caused that reaction from him.

"HELL NO! I don't even want to look at it right now. Ugh, stupid old people are going to want me so much after this. I will probably be the only guy in the world to have a bunch of old lady stalkers. They will follow me around with their canes and walkers and wheelchairs. Then they will stare at me with their beady, lust filled eyes! Oh my god! The horror this is going to inflict on me! I probably will be scarred for life!" he shot back at me and then started mumbling towards the end.

"You aren't the only one who is going to be scarred by sights." Edward whispered in my ear causing me to giggle, but seeing as Emmett was a vampire and had super vampire senses, he heard what Edward had said.

"Ha! You wished you could get some of this Eddie boy," he said pointing to himself, "But seeing as you are sexually repressed, I guess my looks will do you wonders."

"Ew, Emmett please stop, I don't need these imagines in my head anymore than anyone else in this room does, except maybe Rosalie." I told him.

"Ahh, but Bella, you know you want my sexiness, it's so magical and so hard to resist. Right Rose?"

"Sure, whatever you say Em." She said, not wanting to really get into this conversation.

"Anyways, I think we need to get going. Emmett I think you should go change and I have set out your outfit up on your bed. We are leaving in five minutes, so go get dressed." Alice called up to him as Emmett started to make his way up the stairs to his room, carrying his 'Frank's' bag, so he could change and then we can leave.

As we were waiting for him to change, we could hear a nice variety of cuss words coming from above us. Some, even I, have never heard of before. I also definitely knew Esme was not liking, what she was hearing.

After five unnecessary, long minutes, Emmett finally appeared at the top of the stairs in a trench coat?

"Emmett, why in the world are you wearing that hideous trench coat? The clothes I picked out for you are perfectly normal." Alice whispered horrified that someone would actually cover up one of her outfits.

"Well you see, my dear, dear Alice, I thought the trench coat was pretty awesome and well, assuming that I am pretty awesome too, I figured wearing the trench coat would make me double awesome!" He said like it was the most logical thing in the world.

"Emmett, did you even think before you said that? Oh wait no you didn't, you never do." Rose said while questioning why she ever married such a idiot.

"Anyways, let's get going. I'm so excited for this, and I still have the camera!" Alice squealed.

We all then rushed outside and got into the cars. Everyone figured it would be easiest to take Emmett's jeep. But this time Carlisle drove and Esme sat in the passenger seat. In the back, was Emmett and Rose sitting next to each other in the middle row, and in the last row, in the way back, was me on Edward's lap and Alice on Jasper's lap since there were only two seats in our row. But I was extremely happy to be able to sit on Edward's lap.

As we were arriving, the sky was turning a mixture of red, yellow, and orange because the sun was currently setting. The sky was so gorgeous and I couldn't believe I got to share it with my true love.

"Bella, you know what I was thinking?" Edward whispered in my ear, with his sweet breathe fanning over my face, causing me to momentarily become dazed.

"What?" I asked him.

"I was just thinking how I got to share this beautiful sunset, with the most beautiful woman in the world." he said sweetly back to me.

"You know what Edward?" I asked him in reply.

"What?"

"I was thinking almost the exact same thing, except I said you were my true love instead of a beautiful woman." I replied back to him causing my cheeks to burn red.

"Ha ha! Our Eddie boy here is a beautiful woman now!"

Of course Emmett just had to go and ruin the moment.

Of course then Rose smacked him the back of the head and told him to 'shut up' causing us all to snicker at how whipped he was.

"Whipped." Jasper snorted.

"Hey, I resent that, and your just as whipped as I am brotha, so don't start that bologna." Emmett yelled back.

"BOYS, STOP FIGHTING, OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL MAKE CARLISLE TO PULL THIS VEHICLE OVER!" Esme, of course, screeched at them.

This cause the rest of us to laugh even more at the boys' horrified faces.

"Yes mommy, we will stop now, please don't pull the car over!" Emmett answered back really fast in a little boy's voice, that I almost didn't hear it.

"Suck up." I heard Jasper murmur.

I then suddenly thought of something.

"Edward, what day is it?" I asked him

"Um, it's Friday love, why?"

"And what time is it?" I asked back

"It's almost seven."

I suddenly burst out laughing. Realizing this made my day so much better.

"Bella, love, what is it?" he asked a little concerned as to why I burst out laughing like that along with everyone else looking at me like I was some strange creature from another planet.

I was laughing so hard that I couldn't even answer them with partial sentences.

"Emmet…old…BIN….GO….HA HA HA!" I spluttered out.

I think they finally understood what I was laughing about, because all of a sudden the rest of the car burst out in laughter.

"OH MY GOD! EMMETT IS GOING TO HAVE TO STRIP ON BINGO NIGHT, WHICH MEAN EVERYONE WILL BE THERE!" Jasper yelled out.

I never thought I had seen Emmett so embarrassed to do a dare, but I stand corrected.

This was going to be the best dare of all time!

We finally pulled up to the Retirement home and all piled out, kind of like clowns getting out of the tiny clown cars.

We must have looked quite interesting.

"Emmett, now I must go warn the people at the front desk that we are doing this, and if they need it, I will bribe them. Nothing is ruining my amazing dare now!" Jasper announced.

He then went inside for a few minutes and then came back out with a triumphant grin.

"Let's go!" he said extremely happy. I think someone was a little too excited for this dare.

We made our way inside of the retirement home and as soon as I had stepped foot in it, I smelt it. The horrid scent of old age. It made me shutter.

"Edward, I don't like this place. It reeks of old age and you, of all people, should know that's a touchy subject with me.

"Yes I know love, but if you don't want to see Emmett's dare then I can always show it to you later because we are definitely recording this!"

"Ok, fine I'll stay and watch this because I don't want to miss out on the excitement." and with a sigh from me, he grabbed my hand and followed everyone else to where Emmett had to strip.

"Ok guys, while Emmett waits for the next bingo to be called, we will go around to the back of the dining area and watch from back there. Alice will be upfront recording this all." Jasper replied before we all went in.

"Alice, how much time is there left?" Jasper asked her.

"About three minutes Jazzy."

"Ok, let's go. And Emmett, if you try and back out of this, we will know." Jasper said while eyeing Emmett.

We then followed Jasper to the back of the room. I was still holding onto Edward's hand trying to breathe through my mouth so I didn't have to smell, the smell. Edward just looked at me and shook his head.

"We have about thirty seconds love." Edward whispered quietly in my ear.

"Oh my god, I can't wait!" I replied excitedly forgetting all about my whole problem.

Some lady had just called out BINGO, and was getting her card checked over, when I noticed that Jasper had disappeared.

"Where's Jasper?" I murmured to Edward.

"He's putting in the cd." He replied back and as soon as he finished , a loud voice came over the speakers.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to momentarily interrupt your BINGO game. We have a special little act tonight. Please put your hands together for our special guest, Emmett." he announced while trying not to laugh.

There were very few murmurs, but then all went silent and the first lyrics of the song came on.

_**Im too sexy for my **__**love**__**, too sexy for my **__**love**_

_**Loves going to leave me . **_

And with this Emmett had come out of the hallway and into the dining room, slowly swaying his hips from side to side.

Jasper was back over to us by now and we were all doubled over in laughter.

When Emmett had first come into the room, his face was even more pale, and if it had been me, my face would have been redder than a fire hydrant.

_**Im too sexy for my **__**shirt**__** too sexy for my **__**shirt**__** , **_Emmett had then thrown his trench coat off and was currently taking his shirt off, revealing his big muscles on his torso.

_**So sexy it hurts, **_Indeed it was too sexy that it hurt. I had taken my eyes off of Emmett for one minute, and when I looked around, I could see the lust on about every females face out in the audience. This only made me laugh harder, and when I had pointed it out to Edward, he too laughed even more._**And Im too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan New York and Japan And Im too sexy for your party Too sexy for your party No way Im disco dancing **_

As the song continued, Emmett would take off more and more articles of clothing. But what laid underneath, well let's just say that I am personally scarred for life. It was a black leather, piece of cloth that kind of reminded me of a loin cloth that tarzan wore.

It was actually quite frightening but it only made me laugh harder when I saw the looks in the old women's eyes. Some had actually tried to either walk their way up to him or tried to wheel their way up. Even some of the old men looked like they wanted a piece of Emmett.

Just that thought right there made me want to gag.

As the song was getting near the end, Emmett started to strut around up in front of everyone. I could tell that once he had gotten over his embarrassment, he had really gotten into it. He actually picked up his trench coat, from off the floor, and threw it at one of the older woman, and when she caught it, she giggled and waved to him, making him wink back at her.

When he winked, I looked over at Rose to see what she thought, but she just shrugged her shoulders at me and said "They are old ladies, they can look all they want, but I know my Emmy bear loves me and only me so he won't try anything too stupid."

But that all changed when Emmett thought it would be funny to give one of the elderly women a lap dance.

Boy was she pissed now. She almost walked up to him and dragged him away by his two big toes, but luckily Jasper and Edward grabbed onto her.

"LET ME GO! THAT IDIOT IS GIVING LAP DANCES TO OTHER PEOPLE. OLD OTHER PEOPLE. YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO SIT HERE AND WATCH IT?!" She screeched, causing everyone to turn and look at her.

Emmett then immediately got off of the poor old lady, who probably had a heart attack from all of the excitement.

He continued to dance, this time without touching anyone else.

Jasper then interrupted all of us.

"Ew. Hey guys, these feelings coming from the old ladies are gross. And I think some are even coming from the old men too." Jasper shuttered as he said this.

"At least you don't have to hear the thoughts. And yes some are coming from the old men. I may never look at Emmett or a old man the same way, ever again." Edward said after Jasper, he too shuttering at the thoughts..

_**Cos Im a model you know what I mean And I do my little turn on the catwalk Yeah on the catwalk yeah on the catwalk yeah I shake my little touche on the catwalk , **_of course Emmett had gone and shook his 'little touche'._**Im too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat Poor pussy poor pussy cat Im too sexy for my love too sexy for my love Loves going to leave me **_

He then made his final rounds, while strutting his stuff.

_**And Im too sexy for this song.**_

He then ended in what, I guess he thought was a sexy pose which consisted of him turned around and his stomach turned to the right side, with both hands on the right side of his waist, while his face had what, one, might consider a sexy smiley and suggestive look to his face with his left eyebrow raised.

The room was suddenly quiet, and then boom with laughter and applause.

Alice then shut the camera off and we bounded our way over to her and Emmett.

When we finally made our way through to Emmett, he was beaming and smiling from ear to ear, looking like a idiot, as always. He then beckoned Rose over and quietly whispered in her ear something that cause her to giggle and, if she was human, would have blushed a very bright red.

"Edward, what did Emmett tell Rose?" I said while turning to ask him.

"Trust me Bella, you do NOT want to know."

"But I do, tell me!" I whined like I was a little kid not getting the sweet new Barbie that had just come out.

"Fine you asked for it, Emmett told Rose that he was going to be giving Rose a little show of her own with his newly acquired, um, outfit."

"Wait what, oh, EWWW!" I said quite loudly, earning me a few dirty looks from some of the old people.

"Bella, calm down. You asked me and I told you. I told you that you would not want to hear it." Edward said back to me and then he kissed me very sweetly on the lips, which instantly relaxed me. I didn't want the moment to end, but sadly I needed to breathe, as he pulled away chuckling and wrapped his arms securely around my waist.

"I think it's time that we head home." Carlisle announced, and with that we all walked out to Emmett's monstrous jeep, with Emmett finally putting his clothes back on but this time without the trench coat, and climbed into our seats. This time Emmett had Rose on his lap in the middle section, right behind Esme, who was currently in the passenger seat, and behind Carlisle, was Jasper with Alice on his lap.

Edward, picked me up and placed me in the back row of the jeep. He then climbed in himself and once he settled himself in, he picked me up and placed me on his lap. I then leaned my head against his chest and took a deep breathe, breathing in his sweet, sweet fragrance that was on him. I felt like I was in heaven. It felt like we were the only two there, it was that quiet. Everyone either whispering in their lovers ears, or talking to quietly for my, less sensitive, ears to hear.

"Sleep now Bella, for when we get home we are going to watch the amazing video tape." Edward chuckled quietly in my ear as he said this.

Before I could protest, he was humming my lullaby and I slowly drifted off to sleep.

**AN: And you thought I was going to end the chapter/story there! HA! As if! Well I have news for all of you! I'm not done and I still have maybe one of two more chapters! So onward!**

Next thing I knew, I was being slowly awakened by a sweet velvety voice. Ahhh, my Edward. God how much I loved that man.

"Bella, love, wake up. We are home now." He said gently trying to wake me up.

I slowly opened my eyes, and registered that we were not in the dark jeep anymore, but in the brightly lit living room of the Cullen house.

I looked around and noticed everyone was looking at me with big smiles on their faces and when I looked at Edward, he too had a smile on his face, and I could see the laughter in his eyes.

"Oh no," I grumbled, "what did I say now?"

"OH OH, PICK ME, PICK ME!" Emmett yelled, while jumping up and down in his seat.

"Yes Emmett, what did I say?"

"Well you said and I quote…."he started, "'all i want to do is hide somewhere and then throw skittles at people yelling "taste the freaking rainbow"' and that's what you said."

"Oh my god, why in the world did I say that?" I asked to no one in particular.

"Um, well we were wondering the same thing actually." replied Alice, who was ready to burst out laughing.

"Can this day be any worse?" I mumbled into my hands, which now hid my blushing face.

"Well actually it can, you could have been the one up in front of the old wrinkly people, stripping." Emmett said back.

"Emmett, that was a rhetorical question, you bumbling idiot." I said to him with a smirk. "But I do have to agree with you on that one."

"Thank you,…HEY wait a minute, I am NOT a bumbling idiot." he said to me with his lower lip out in a pout.

"Honey, yes you are. You never shut up and never make any sense. Hate to break it to you , you really are." Rose told him.

With that everyone burst out laughing, at the shocked look that he had given Rose, his own wife, who had now placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I HATE YOU ALL!" and with that, he threw off Rose's hand, gently because he knew better, and stomped up to his room, lightly slamming the door, that way Esme couldn't yell at him.

We had all gone quiet when he had walked/stomped up the stairs, and then proceeded to burst out laughing as soon as he had shut the door.

"THAT….WAS…PRICELESS!" I gasped out between laughter and deep breathes.

I was abruptly cut short with my laughing, when all of a sudden, I noticed Emmett appear on the top step, smirking while looking directly at me, with a black piece of cloth in his right hand and some rope wrapped around his left arm.

He had on camouflage pants and a black tank top, and on his feet were black combat boots. On his head he had a black bandana and underneath his eyes, he had put two black streaks.

When everyone had finally realized why I had stopped laughing and followed my eyes, three things happened: I saw a white blur headed towards me, I heard Alice's gasp, and then I heard Edward's growl.

"Oh crap" I mumbled as I was hastily thrown over Emmett's shoulder. Then we hurtled off to some unknown destination in the deep dark woods, with the moon covered by the clouds

The next thing I noticed was, yelling from the distance, a funny smell and then I knew no more.

**MUAHAHAHA! Another cliffy! I feel so evil right now! Where is Emmett going to take Bella and what is he going to do to her?! Well you will have to stick around! So finally you have chapter 3! Wasn't it exciting?! The link to the picture of the leather loin cloth is in my profile! So go check that out too! Please go ahead and review. Anybody that reviews, gets one of Emmett's pieces of clothing and a BIG hug!**


	5. Gnomes

**YOU GUYS ROCK! I can't believe how many reviews I got in the last chapter and all together! Also the fact that over 1,000 people have read this is simply amazing! I can't believe you all love this so much! I'm sorry this chapter has taken so long. I had writer's block and then it took me a while to write this. But I want to dedicate this to my special friend Michelle, without her I wouldn't even have written this, she truly helped me with the idea! The next and final chapter will be dedicated to a very special friend of mine! So now I present you with my newest chapter! Enjoy!!**

_Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. Especially not the hideous gnome, which I am thankful for!_

When I finally became conscious, I noticed that I was in a lit room. The room itself looked like someone had throw stuff at the walls, there were dents and holes all over the place. The walls were a off white color. There was a door to the north of the room and no windows. It was like I was stuck in a cellar. I had noticed that the floor was cement and the air had a chilly feeling to it.

After I had taken in my surroundings, I then realized that I was tightly bound to a chair. The reason I knew had something to do with Emmett because I remember that he was the last thing that I had seen before I had unfortunately passed out.

The door then creaked open, revealing a big bulky figure, or my future brother in-law. What joy, I thought to myself. I can't believe it. I never even did anything to that idiot and here I sit tied up to a chair in a basement., this is the thanks I get for being a human. Maybe this will help Edward in his decision about my Vampirehood.

"MMMMMMMMM" Was all you could hear out of my mouth, I had been to caught up in my surroundings that I hadn't noticed that my mouth was covered so all you could hear was a bunch of mush.

"Now, now Bella. We can do this the easy way or the hard way." Emmett said as he walked over to me.

I decided I would give him a little present as soon as he stood in front of me. Luckily he didn't bother to tie up my legs, so when he was standing right in front of me, I kicked him in his family jewels.

His reaction actually surprised me. His eyes widened in surprise, he fell to his knees while holding onto his 'jewels', and then keeled over on his right side, moaning something about me and nuts.

His reaction made me laugh. It was hard to hit them since I was tied up, but honestly I didn't care. He is the stupid one to knock me unconscious and then tie me up and gag me.

"Bel, Bella?! Why did you just kick me in my happy place? I thought you , I thought you loved me?" He stuttered out while jutting out his lower lip and making his eyes so sad that I almost, and I said almost, caved.

I just looked at him, with a look that said 'if you don't take this thing off my mouth, you WILL be sorry'.

He then very slowly, even for a human, crawled over to me and took the thing off my mouth. As soon as he took it off I started to yell at him.

"EMMETT, WHAT IN THE WORLD DID YOU DO TO ME? I WAKE UP AND FIND THAT I AM TIED UP AND GAGGED? DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN THAT PEA-SIZED BRAIN OF YOURS? WAIT NEVER MIND, DON'T ANSWER THAT. OF ALL THE IDIOTIC THINGS THAT YOU HAVE DONE, THIS HAS TO BE THE STUPIDEST ONE OF ALL. WAIT TILL EDWARD GETS HIS HANDS ON YOU, I HOPE HE RIPS YOU LIMB TO LIMB." I yelled at him while giving the dirties and meanest glare I could muster. It must have worked because he shrunk away from me. At that sight, I was rather pleased with my accomplishment.

"Bella," he said regaining his composure, "Now I have brought you here for a reason. This here is my secret lab that no one knows about. Except that little kid that followed me home, but I took care of him." he finished, grinning from ear to ear.

"EMMETT, WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT POOR LITTLE KID?" I screeched.

"Relax Bella, jeez don't have a cow! I scared the kid a little and then he ran home. I didn't eat him. You know I'm a vegetarian." He looked at me accusingly.

"Sorry Emmett, I forget sometimes with you." I answered, giggling slightly.

"It's ok Bella, I mean…wait, HEY!"

"So Emmett, why did you bring me here again?"

"Oh yes, that's right." he said getting back on topic.

"You, my little companion, are going to be helping me get revenge on our little winner, Jasper. But we have to keep changing our minds because of his fortune seeing pixie of a wife, who will be able to see my ultimate master plan. Bella I'm going to tell you something about Jasper that no one, not even his dear wife, knows about that I happened to come across a while ago." he said to me looking as excited as well, as excited as Emmett can be.

"Bella, I found out that Jasper has a gnome shrine in this extra room in our basement. You see I was looking for my potato launcher, that Esme had taken away, because well, I was firing it anybody who came up to the house. We had a bunch of people come to the house because I ordered a bunch of random things just so I could shoot them with my sweet gun. Esme got really mad, so she took my gun away. But this was before the paintball incident. You see, she usually just puts the things, she takes from me, and puts them in the basement, thinking that, I Emmett Cullen, am not smart enough to find my things again. Well phooey on her cause I found it."

"Anyways, my revenge is to take Jasper's precious gnome shrine and blow it up with the explosives that I bought the other day. That gnome shrine is one freaky thing though. Just trust me when I say that the shrine is one freaky looking thing and now I have one really freaky brother, but he always has been freaky so in the end it really makes no difference." he finished up.

"Ok, first off, what did you buy explosives for and second of all why in the world do you have a potato gun?" I asked him in confusion.

"For you first question Bella, I was going to blow up your dear Eddie's stero because he made fun of me the other day and I just like blowing things up. For the second question, potato guns are the bomb but I shoot way more than just potatoes. I use potatoes, obviously, oranges, apples, eggs, dirty socks, underwear, you name it and I'll make it work." he giggled at the end.

"Emmett, why in the world did you just giggle?" I asked him, giggling myself.

"That was no giggle, that was um, um, that was a chuckle." he said nervously.

"No Emmett, I'm pretty sure you just giggled." I said, starting to laugh even more.

"Bella you need to clean out your ears, for that was not a giggle, but a chuckle, for I am Emmett McCarty Cullen, manly vampire, and I DO NOT GIGGLE!!" he said while pounding his chest like he was King Kong.

"Sure what ever you say Emmett, I still say you giggled."

"Anyways Bella, I will untie you know if you promise not kick the boys again." he said.

"Fine, but why did you tie me up in the first place?"

"Oh I just wanted to see how you would react when you woke up, obviously I won't do that again."

"You think?" I asked him sarcastically.

"Anyways," he continued like I hadn't interrupted and untied me "I need to go and get changed, but first you have to agree to help me out."

"Emmett, do you really know how stupid this sounds, and I don't want to make Jasper mad at me, this is between you two. And besides, his little pixie of a wife will torture me with only god knows what. She will take me shopping for the next, well, FOREVER!" I explained to him exasperated.

"Bella, if you agree to this, I have ten new packs of double stuffed oreos just for you!" Emmett said, while pulling out a shopping bag full of the most delicious and most intoxicating substance in the world.

"Oh my god Emmett, GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!" I yelled at him, while trying to free my hands so I could take the bag and eat all the Oreos that are inside of the bag.

"Woah Bella, I will give you these if you agree to partake in my revenge." He said seriously.

"Yeah, yeah Emmett. Fine whatever you want, just give me the Oreos or this is going to turn very ugly, very soon." I promised him.

Of course no one had seen me throw a tantrum when I didn't get my Oreos, but they did know how scary I got when Jasper and Emmett had both destroyed my precious Oreos during their contest. I was so sad about my babies being destroyed.

"Wait Emmett, when did you get all of these Oreo's?" I asked still hugging my precious babies.

"Well, when you fell asleep, I had to make a pit stop at the grocery store, I asked if anyone wanted to come in with me, of course they decided to ask 'what for' and I told them 'for condoms' and they all passed. I don't see why they would pass on that, but anyways, my real plan was to buy the Oreos for you so you would agree to my fricken amazing plan of ultimate revenge." he explained.

"Fine Emmett, if it will make you happy, and you did buy me more Oreos and I no longer hate you, but I only hate Jasper now because he destroyed my babies and didn't pay me back. So let's go!" I said enthusiastically.

"Ok Bella, what I need you to do is go out of this room and take a right, then go straight and then go in the second door on your left, and in there is a bag full of the things I need. On the bag it says 'Fairy Harry's Supply and Stuff'." He explained quickly and quietly to me.

"Emmett, why are you speaking loudly?" I asked him at a normal voice.

"Shhh, Bella, they will hear us if you don't quiet down, well actually never mind. This is a sound proof room."

"Wow Emmett, I honeslty wonder about you sometimes. By the way, where are we exactly?"

"We're actually in our basement, I just led everyone on a wild goose chase, so they could get away from the house so I could bring you back here. I wasn't trying to hurt you or anything because I know Edward would kill me if I even let you brush up against a leaf." he said while rolling his eyes.

"I would have to agree with you on that, ha ha! Ok I'll go grab the things and I'll be right back. Wait why don't you just get then yourself? It would take you so much less time." I honestly was curious for his answer.

"Well I need to change, I have a special outfit and what not, you don't have one because your just going to act like the good little girl that you are, and pretend that nothing happened at all to you. I'm going to put you on the couch before the others get back. But I will tell you the rest of my plan as soon as you get the stuff and I'm all changed."

"Ok, I'll be right back then." I told him as I walked out the door, while wondering where everyone else was and why in the world Alice couldn't see any of this.

I followed his instruction, and saw the bag, with the name he gave me, and then turned around and walked back to the room I had originally came from.

When I walked into the room, Emmett then came out of the closet, in a ninja outfit? What is seriously wrong with that boy? What was even stranger was that I hadn't even noticed the closet there before.

"Emmett, why are you dressed as a ninja? You look completely idiotic" I asked finally getting over the initial shock of him dressing first as a Rambo impersonator and now a ninja.

"Bella, why must you question the ninja outfit. My outfit makes me the hottest thing alive. I know that every time you look at it, or anyone else looks at it, they are blinded my outrageous sexiness." He said while striking a pose and showing his ultra white vampire teeth.

"Sure sure Em, are you sure that you weren't the one who was in the asylum, or in your case, the crazy house?" I asked.

"Hey Bella, you know what?"

"What?" I asked, having absolutely no idea what he would say.

"Shut up." he stated simply.

"Wow, ok then, I think someone is pmsing." I told him, sometimes I swear that most men can pms.

"Silly little human, vampires don't pms." he chuckled his deep booming laughter.

"Are you ready young grass hopper?" he asked me in a Chinese accent.

"Yes, Master Emmett." I said while putting my hands together and bowing in front of Emmett.

"Well, let's go!" He said while jumping up and down, out of his ninja/master Chinese trance, like a little child all hyped up on the magical things that I like to call pixie sticks.

Emmett then told me to climb on his back, which I did quickly because he said 'we have very little time to set up'.

He then raced to one of the rooms at the other end of the basement, and stopped outside of a chestnut door, with a shiny gold doorknob.

"OH MY GOD! Emmett, it's so shiny!" I exclaimed, jumping up and down while pointing at the shiny doorknob.

"Oh, isn't it? This knob is like so entrancing, it's hard to keep my eyes off. Wow, getting off our mission now aren't we? Anyways, what I am about to show you, may scar you for life, so be prepared.

He then took a deep, very unnecessary breathe, and slowly opened the door.

My first thought was, this is what was so scary to Emmett?

But that was my thought at first until I got a look at 'the thing'.

The gnome was approximately three feet high. It had on a red robe with a tan patch on the stomach. In it's left hand was a sack. The thing had only one tooth in it's mouth, big ears which had big gold hoop earrings, and a long nose that looked like a pickle, somewhat. To say this thing was a female, was what I had been wondering. The skin texture looked extremely rough too. This thing was so disgusting and I can't believe that Jasper actually worshipped this thing.

"What the HELL is that?" I whispered screeched.

"That is one ugly piece of crap, that should be burned immediately, is what it is." He said from right behind me seeing as he had followed right behind me as I went to see what was originally horrible about this so called 'gnome'.

"Thank the lord that you are doing all of us a favor and blowing that thing to smithereens." I said happily, yet still quite terrified that the thing might come to life, jump at me, and gouge my eyeballs out with it's ugliness.

"Emmett, please get this thing out of my sight, I can't take the ugliness anymore, I think it's catching onto me." I said and then I started to scratch myself, to make it seem more realistic.

"Bella, I have never seen you so wound up. But I like it! We need to do it more often!" he chuckled while taking the gnome and placing it in the bag with everything else.

"Sure. How about we set a date? How about June 31st?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yeah! I think I'm free then!" He exclaimed excitedly, obviously not realizing that that date didn't exist and not noting the hint of sarcasm in my voice.

Emmett, then, threw me over his shoulder, and rushed up the stairs and outside, while carrying everything.

As soon as we were, about thirty feet from the house, he set up the gnome and then put the explosives inside of it and set it back onto the ground.

We then made sure that none of the explosives showed, and hurried back into the house.

Once we got in the living room, Emmett quickly said "Bella, I can hear everyone right now, so pretend to be asleep on the couch. I'll be hiding outside so just go lay down and then hopefully someone will notice the 'beautiful' lawn gnome."

I quickly nodded at him and laid down and shut my eyes, as Emmett disappeared around the corner and outside the house, just in time to hear everyone entering the house.

"Bella?!" I heard a the anxiety in Edward's voice.

"Hmmm?" I mumbled lazily.

"Love, are you ok?" He asked, while checking me over for any possible scratches or anything he could find so that he could find a excuse to beat Emmett up.

"Edward," I said calmly grabbing a hold of his hands, in which he returned the gesture, "there is nothing wrong with me. Emmett just ran around with me. He was just being, well, Emmett."

"Where is the big idiot?" Jasper asked.

"I don't know. Last I knew, he was playing his game, but then I fell asleep watching him. So I really don't know what happened." I said still keeping up my façade, actually surprised that I was actually believable.

We all then went to sit down , with our respected couples, Rose being the one in the recliner because Emmett was no where to be found. We sat like that, in comforting silence when Edward had interrupted our quietness.

"Hey guys," he asked, with all of us looking right at him, "Why is there a gnome in the backyard?"

We all looked out the window, and when everyone saw the gnome, they all filed outside. Standing on the deck, Jasper, being the brave one, took one step towards the gnome.

And that is when I heard, BOOM!

**HAHA! Another cliffy! Wasn't that chapter just the best! Hehe! The link for the gnome is in my profile. So go check it out! That thing truly is ugly and scary! Please go and take a extra 30 seconds out of your life to review. It would mean so much to me! Thanks!**


	6. An: Ugh! This is not my day!

**AN: Hey guys. I am really sorry, but right now I just had some really bad luck. You see my laptop wire was being extremely stupid, so I was jiggling it around trying to get it to work. Lo and behold, the stupid thing started to smoke, caught on fire and the wire burned right through leaving me with two pieces of wire making me have to throw the wire away completely. It also burned a hole through the sleeping bag that I currently had on my bed. So I just had my mom order me a new one, so now I have to wait like a couple days. I won't be able to be on much or able to type like anything unless I go on my mom's computer, which won't be a lot because she is always one it. So I'm really sorry. Today really isn't my day. So you all will have to sit for a little longer until I get my new wire so I can type my new chapter. But on the good side, I will probably write it out when I get really bored. So hopefully I will update faster! Thank you guys for reading this. I feel so bad cause now I will be stuck without a way to update.**

**You guys are so amazing with all the reviews! And maybe if your lucky, I will do like a extra chapter about the time with the paintball incident!**

**So stick with me my lovelies! I will be back!**

**Sincerely,**

**Britt**


	7. Mission Unsuccessful

**Hey guys! I'm back! Well first off, I would like to apologize for taking so long to finally update. My life has been so hectic. First with school starting and the classes I'm taking and then soccer practice and games. Right now our record is 2-1 and I got my first shutout last game because I am the goalie! So I'm so excited! Secondly I would like to dedicate this chapter to my buddy John. He truly is amazing! We have the sweetest convos ever! I aslo want to thank Krissy for the hair idea! So I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Read the AN at the bottom too! Thanks!**

_Disclaimer: I sadly don't own anything still. I don't own easy bake oven, slinky, and I don't even own a pack of oreos! Also I don't own the characters! I just own my ideas! If I did own any of those, I wouldn't be here!_

_Recap: And that is when I heard, BOOM!_

I turned to look at Jasper. I laughed at the sight of his face. It was open in a wide 'O'.

"My..my..my…gnome! WHO BLEW UP MY PRECIOUS GNOME?!" Jasper screeched.

All of us automatically turned to Emmett and pointed our fingers accusingly at him.

Emmett then turned to me and went, "Bella I thought we were partners in crime? YOU TRAITOR!"

"Emmett, you tied me up to a chair, what did you think I was going to do, point at Alice? No I'm not that stupid." I said laughing at his shocked and appalled face.

"Haha. Emmett lost his 'partner in crime'." Jasper said, coming out of the shock of his gnome being blown up. "Emmett," he continued, "You will pay for blowing up my baby. OW! Alice what was that for?" He asked in shock after Alice had hit him.

"Your baby? I thought I was your baby? Oh my god! I'm being replaced by a gnome! And hideously dressed one at that! What has this world come to?!" Alice began to dry sob after yelling at Jasper.

"Oh Alice, you know what I mean, you know you're my number one superstar! I love you more than the moon and the stars put together." He said with goggly eyes.

"Aww. Jazzy I love you!" Alice squealed and then jumped into Jasper's arm kissing him all over his face.

"Ew, guys PDA much?! Get a room!" Emmett announced like usual.

"Emmett, no one asked for you to look at our PDA. So why don't you go find a garbage dumpster and go play in it." Jasper said.

"Oh! And where exactly can I find this garbage dumpster?" He asked, jumping up and down, clapping his hands excitedly. "I always find the neatest treasures. Last time I came home with a half burnt Easy Bake Oven and a old flowered couch! FLOWER POWER!" He screamed out randomly.

"So that is what that smell was? You were in a dumpster?" Rose asked appalled that her husband would stoop that low.

"Rose, you don't understand all of the amazing things people throw out! There are so many nifty things in there! I once found a old slinky! It was amazing! I went to go find a big stair case and let it walk down, but the best I could find were a couple steps. But yet it walked for me so that made me happy and EVERYONE LOVES A SLINKY!" he sang.

"Emmett, you seriously have some major issues. But right now, I have other matters to deal with. YOU BLEW UP MY GNOME! HOW COULD YOU?!"

"Jasper Jasper Jasper, nobody in their right mind owns gnomes anymore. And well yours was extremely freaky. Trust me, I did everyone a favor by blowing that beast of a thing up." Emmett replied.

"Esme, will you please help me out. Since when do I ever go and take his things and blow them up?" Jasper asked Esme.

"Your right Jasper. I think we should give him the punishment that I gave all of you guys when you played paintball in MY HOUSE." Esme proclaimed.

"Oh my god! I think that is a awesome idea Esme. I'll go and get the chains!" Jasper announced while speeding off to get chains. He then returned about a minute later with a set of heavy steel chains. He then scaled up the wall and hooked them up to the ceiling and then threw down the chains to Esme, who caught them.

"Emmett, come here." Esme scolded. "You know what I am going to do."

"NO ESME! I VALUE MY TOES! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!" Emmett pleaded, while getting on his knees begging Esme for mercy.

"Edward, what is going on?" I asked him.

"Well, last time after the paintball incident, Esme was so mad they she hung us all by our big toes, upside down. I know you think it wouldn't be much a big deal, but with Emmett, he tends to over-exaggerate things. So basically he complained the whole time that he was getting no circulation through his toes and that they were going to fall off." He said rolling his eyes.

"Are you serious?" I asked in disbelief.

"Oh I am dead serious(hehe no pun intended). And to make matters worse, while we all hanging upside down, by our toes, there was this horrible, putrid smell that came out of no where. Of course we all looked at Emmett, because it was coming from his direction and the fact that he looked guilty." he said while looking totally at ease, as if this was a normal everyday conversation, in which with Emmett, it is a normal conversation.

"So what was the smell?" I asked still curious.

"Oh well, you see Emmett had a fascination with all types of cheese. He even had a collection of them in his room. Rose kicked him and his cheese out because well, human food smells disgusting to us. So he basically went walking around with these huge pants on that had a bunch of pockets, and put his cheese in there. So then everything would melt and rot in his pants. We all tried to get rid of those pants with the cheese but he never took them off." Edward said sounding exasperated.

"WOW." was all that I could say.

"Jasper, Edward," Esme called to them, "Would you mind holding down Emmett while I hook him up?"

"No problem." They both replied at the same time.

They then went to the front and side of Emmett and backed him into the corner, with no way of escaping. Then, they jumped him, Edward sitting on his torso and Jasper holding down his legs.

"Shoot," Edward said, "Carlisle, can you grab his arms?"

"Sure thing Edward." Carlisle replied.

It was the funniest thing to see all three Cullen men trying to hold Emmett down. When they finally succeeded in pinning him down so he couldn't move, Esme then took the chains and hooked them up to his big toes. Carlisle, Jasper, and Edward then got off of Emmett, she then pulled on the chains and it hoisted Emmett upside, in the air.

We then watched him swing, that is when I got the most awesome idea ever! Alice then was at my side.

"Great plan Bella," she said, "here I'll go help you get the ones that I don't want to use anymore, that way you won't waste any of my good ones."

Alice then picked me up and then rushed me to her room. We proceeded to her closest. She came out with a armful of old stiletto shoes for me to use. She then threw me over her shoulders and raced back down the stairs. When she set me down, she gave me a couple pairs to hide behind my back. We then walked around the corner with our hands behind our backs. Everyone stared at us, but we put our fingers up to our lips to shush them.

Emmett was currently facing the opposite way. We then waited for him to spin one time around before we took the shoes out and aimed. We then brought back our arms and yelled "FIRE!" and then flung the shoes at his back area.

"OUCH! WHAT THE…?!" he yelled.

"What did you guys just throw at me?" He said while trying to wiggle his was around so that he could face us.

We all just stood their laughing at him when he realized what Alice and I had in our hands.

We then took another shoe and threw it at his face. This time the heel of the shoe I threw hit him in the eye.

"OUCH! MY EYE! IT HURTS SO MUCH!" He screamed and then cried like a little baby. "You know these shoes aren't the softest of things! But Bella, you seriously hurt me! I mean come on, who would have thought that the heel would hit my eye!"

"Oh Emmett, stop being such a baby. You a vampire, nothing hurts you." I said rolling my eyes.

"I no, but it's the thought that counts." Emmett said.

"Emmett I seriously think that you should be committed." Jasper said.

"Haha, sure like your wife. I'm not that crazy." Emmett said, snickering.

"Emmett, YOU…I…INSANE" Alice screeched.

She then took off, like a bullet in a shot gun, and came back with a metal bat. She then walked over to Emmett, with a evil glint in her eyes, and started beating him with the bat. Every time it would hit him, it made the sound of a loud crack and Emmett would whimper.

"Oh Emmett, shut up. It doesn't hurt you." Alice said while still beating him.

"But it adds to the effect Alice. Besides it may not hurt me on the outside, but it hurts me on the inside real bad." He said while putting both of his hands up to his chest.

"Emmett, seriously, get over yourself, no one cares." Alice replied back.

"Sure they do, Rose you care don't you?" he asked her, making big puppy dog eyes.

"Um actually, I don't. This was by far one of your stupidest pranks. Even if you were doing the world a favor, you had this coming." She said not looking at him.

All Emmett did was just hang there upside down whimpering.

"Hey guys, let's go burn Emmett's collection of hair!" Jasper suggested.

"OH MY GOD! That is the best idea ever!" Edward said, while high-fiving Jasper.

After Jasper's idea, we went upstairs to Emmett's closest, after deciding that we were going to leave him hanging upside down for a couple hours. We then searched through the closet trying to find this collection of hair.

"Hey guys," I said as soon as we had discovered the collection of hair with jars individually labeled with each person's hair on it, "Why does Emmett have a collection of hair?"

"Well, he had this fascination of hair, a couple of years ago, he use to search on eBay and find celebrity hair and then buy it and put it in his collection. I have no idea what was going through his head at the time, but then again when does he ever stop to think about what he does." Rose replied.

"Ok, it's still creepy though." I said.

"Oh we all know this." she said back to me.

We then gathered up all the jars that had hair in them, and then went back to the room where Emmett was currently hanging upside down.

We all waved to him as we passed him to go outside so we could burn the hair.

He then started to plead with us.

"Guys, no please no! It took me so long to get some of those hair clippings! You have no idea! I mean there is J Lo's hair in there and even Martha Washington. You know how hard it would be for me to try and find more of her hair?! It would be nearly impossible!" he yelled outraged that we were going to burn the precious hair collection. Personally, I was disgusted.

"Guys whatever you do, please don't burn my hair clipping of Stephenie Meyer!" he yelled/sobbed.

"And why is that hair so important Emmett?" Rose said angrily, "Is she your secret girlfriend?! Come on Emmett why should I not burn this right now?!" She said while poking Emmett in the chest.

"Well because she is the most amazing writer of all time! She wrote this amazing series called the Twilight Series. They are books about this girl who falls in love with a vampire. It's almost like our life story!"

I was now officially freaked out.

"Rose," I said, "Please burn that one. It scares me."

"Same here Bella." She said throwing that one on top of the pile of all the rest of the hair.

Jasper then took out a lighter and lit all of the hair on fire. We stood back and watched it burned while Emmett howled in grief.

Once all the hair had burned up, creating a putrid smell that made me high, we all walked back in to the room containing Emmett.

"Esme," Edward asked, "Can I do the honors of letting Emmett down?"

"Of course you can Edward." She replied back to him.

Edward walked over to the chains and unhooked them and then let go. Emmett came crashing down on his head, leaving a indentation of his head in the floor.

At first Esme looked mad, but when we all started to laugh, she joined in.

"Stupid sexually repressed vampire." Emmett mumbled.

"I'll act like you didn't just say that Emmett. You falling head first into the floor made up for that." He chuckled.

"Just you wait Edward, just you wait." Emmett said, his smile growing wider.

"And when that time comes, I'll be ready Emmett." Edward returned with his own, evil smile.

"Edward, what am I going to do with you?" I asked.

"Hmmm, what ever you would like to do Bella, my love."

And with that, I took his face into my hands, and kissed him deeply.

**So this is the end, sadly. I had so much fun writing this story! You guys have encouraged me so much! I might make a quick sequel doing the paintball scene, from the earlier chapter. But right now, I am a very busy person. Thank you all for sticking with me! Your reviews kept me writing! I'm thinking about doing a series of one-shots. But I don't know yet. Let me know if you think I should do them or not. It will be a while before I can write them. But it is defitenly a possibility! So you guys are the best ever! And let's get my reviews past 100! I'm almost there and it would mean the world to me! Thanks again and I hope you enjoyed my story! I will probably do one more chapter to dedicate this story to different people and write little notes. So stick with me! Thanks so much again!!**


	8. Dedications

First off, I would like to say thank you to everyone who has read my story and reviewed. It meant so much to me. I'm sorry it took so long to finally come to a close to this. I have been so busy lately that I have been getting behind in reading and reviewing other people. The reason for me being busy is school for one and the other is soccer. Our season so far is 5-3 which means we won 5 games and lost 3. So that is a good thing! I am also the goalie for my soccer team, and I have had 4 shutouts! Woot! For those of you who have no idea what a shut out is, it's where the other team doesn't score on me at all during the whole game! So it's a really good thing.

But right now I wanted to dedicate this story to a few of my friends, who without, this story wouldn't be up and I would be sitting here like a bum doing nothing with my idea.

There are two special girls that I would like to start out with dedicating this too.

First off, we have Britt or TwiLigHtDancEr93. She is truly a amazing girl. I first met her because I had read her stories and found out that she has the same name as me! Silly girl! But she truly is one of a kind! She is one of my bff's on here and she truly has changed me! I love her so much! We seriously have some of the most awesome times on aim! It's true! I laugh so much with her! Thank you so much for helping me out! You are truly one of my favorite people ever! YOU ROCK MY SOCKS OFF!

Then we have, Ani or aka TwilightSagaLover543. She was one of the first people to inspire me to continue on with my master piece. She is my other bff on here! She truly is a amazing girl and I love her dearly! She is my Igor! We shall rule the world one day together. And me and Ani have had our awesome share of aim convos! Thank you Ani for everything! I love you so much and you have helped me with the awesome chapter titles and other tid bits! And thank you so much for being my unofficial beta! YOU ROCK MY WORLD!

There are also some of Britt's friends I want to thank! John, Krissy, Jill, Alex and Adrian! You guys truly do rock too!

John: Well, let's just say you are far from normal, but you are my best guy friend ever! You have helped me through so much and for that I want to tell you how much I appreciate it! I love you Mr. Big Stuff! Don't change one bit! You have also inspired the writings of my story! Keep it up dude! Hehe! Love ya bud!

Ok so I have to mention my girl Anita aka xx-twilight7-xx. She truly is a wicked awesome and random person! We have the best convos on msn! Hehe! She always gives me a sneak peek of her awesome story: Bored of Eternity! You should defitenly check it out! WOOT! And let's just say she has a way big of a obsession with cheese! Hehe! Oh ya and we had some good memories of fish tablets! YUCK! But ya she has kept me going through my story too! Always excited to review me with random reviews! Thanks girl! I love you! And sorry for forgetting about you, that's what happens when I lack sleep! Hehe!

I know that there are other people out there that I should be dedicating this too, but don't worry. I haven't forgotten you! Thank you to everyone who helped me with ideas! You kept me going and always excited to read more reviews every time I put a new chapter up!

So I would like to conclude my dedication chapter with this: You all officially rock! For sure!

Oh and a reminder, I am going to be adding one additional chapter before I wrap up this story. The next chapter will be my last and final chapter of this story. It will be the paintball scene. You might have to wait quite a bit of time before I post that. Most likely when I have free time or when soccer is done.

So thank you all again and keep on reading and reviewing! And stay tuned for more stories by me!

P.S. Go read TwiLigHtDancEr93 and TwilightSagaLover543 stories! They officially kick ass!!

Thanks!

Love,

Britt


	9. Final AN sorry everyone!

Well hello everyone! Wow I haven't been on here in ages! I'm sorry that this is once again a author note. I wanted to let everyone know that I'm so sorry my last extra chapter is taking forever. I've been so busy and this has not really been a good year. School has been driving me nuts and stupid drama in our school in which I am involved in.

Good news is I had prom yesterday, which was pretty ok I guess. I also have my graduation Friday! And then I'll finally be done with high school. It's pretty exciting!

You guys are awesome for sticking with me. Twilightdancer93 keeps telling me I should finish my last chapter. It's true I should. I have over half of it written, I just keep getting writers block and I've had senioritis pretty bad this year so I haven't been wanting to do anything. Hopefully in the upcoming weeks I can finally get the last chapter out.

Please hang in there. I'll try to make the last chapter awesome! Please keep the reviews coming! I'll love you guys forever! And tell your friends and other people about my story!

Thank you! And I hope to hear from everyone!

Briiittx xhc


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